The Call to be Safe

In MKP, for 40 years, weekends have been conducted, New Warrior Training Adventures, to act as a rite of male initiation that has gone missing in modern culture. The word “adventure” in the NWTA was no accident. There is a mythos around the word—that of leaving one’s ordinary world into something different. Such transitions feel impactful—they feel meaningful. Adventures have unexpected dangers and challenges, the distance from home carries a fear of the unknown, and it’s also exhilarating in discovering new things, new experiences, and the triumph of overcoming obstacles. Once upon a time, people tapped into this yearning to see what was over the next hill by traveling; but these days, good luck trying to find anywhere that has not been filmed and posted on the internet. I think that’s why the old style of NWTA greeting was for me so impactful and therefore meaningful—I remember being in the car with my fellow initiates on the LOMG dirt road flanked by shirtless stone-faced men with warpaint, and I felt fear, I felt like I was going into a different kind of place that might be dangerous, and my mind was ripped from the ordinary world into something else that was strange, intimidating but also exhilarating. I was starting an adventure into uncharted territory! From the very start, there was a symbolic difference between where I was coming and where I was going, which allowed the NWTA’s to be a mirror of the sacred, to be something meaningful.

But now, the focus is on not triggering men too much—do not worry, we are safe and there is nothing to fear. Without at least some FEAR, there isn’t an adventure (that doesn’t mean giving men panic attacks, and there is an exhilaration in stepping into the unknown). If you are gay, and hold fear around straight men, don’t worry, you can be on your own weekend. Let’s send a message that our differences are stronger than our brotherhood. Let’s remind us that we are in truth separate and not brothers. The call to adventure has become the call to be careful. It has become the call to be gentle—a call to be SAFE.

Sure, the word adventure remains (for now though it seems to be getting replaced by INNOVATIVE WEEKENDs), but are men having adventures or are they consuming product? Staff in street clothes emphasize how the NWTAs are no longer a place of adventure—NWTAs are mere extensions of the ordinary world so need to worry! The changes to the NWTAs are consciously stripping the idea that an adventure will be encountered because they might scare some men off. In truth, there are men who are too afraid to see what’s over the next hill. Is MKP wanting to attract men called to adventure, to take a risk, or men who want to consume yet another product in a quest for self-actualization but never really leave their safe, little world?  

The midnight adventure was a kind of ordeal as one would expect to encounter when traversing in an unknown world—I was securely blindfolded, and men were around us to distract and confuse and none of the groups completed the course. We were a confused, disoriented mess! My competitive instincts were aroused at how unfair it was! And then a lesson followed that felt impactful. In my last encounter with the midnight adventure, everyone finished, everyone got their badge of completion, their little ego stroke-- good boy!, and there was no aspect to it that measured up to an ordeal—the adventure had been tamed. Instead of venturing into the wilds to encounter lions and bears, men are going to the zoo.  

In my Brother Dance, there must have been over two hundred men—it was packed—a swirling vortex of naked bodies in fire and smoke, the drums pounding, vibrating to my bones, and the energy of it was so powerful that I felt an ancient connection to men who had once done the same for thousands of years. I was wild and for precious moments I was free.  I was connected to the energy of the space, and I felt an ancient connection to my ancestors who danced around fires thousands of years ago. Magical. Again, I felt like I was in an adventure far removed from the ordinary world. Some weekends don’t even allow drums, naked is out, and in the absence of the sweats among other changes, fewer brothers show up to help manifest a sacred moment.

And therein lies my sadness—over 20 years ago, I went to an NWTA and I stepped into the unknown in a way that was more profound than anything else I’ve done in my life. But now, the ordinary world, which itself has forgotten most of its connection with the sacred, is enveloping the NWTAs, and the adventure is getting lost and so with it the meaning. MKP once embraced rituals of the native tribes but that’s no longer allowed because it’s judged as appropriation. What is not acknowledged is that Europeans, Turks, Iranians, Northern Indians, Mongolians and others came from the same steppes as the native tribes. We were once together, long ago, spread over the vast grasslands of Eurasia, and I think that’s why for many the rituals of the tribes resonates— some part of us is remembering and connecting in a way that’s very human. I’m all for being respectful. And I think it’s beautiful to express our ancient connection— that we are brothers— instead of bowing to the modern impulse to glorify our separateness.

My question for anything included in an NWTA, is this initiatory and if not, WHY are we including it? I embrace shadow work and I step into feelings, but first things first-- the journey starts at the shoreline, not in the middle of the ocean. Before men work on their feelings, they must first show themselves as strong and up to a challenge (to themselves and to others). That was a core part of male initiation--to be stoic in the face of death or pain-- the feeling part if needed would come later. Men yearn for connection, with each other and with themselves. Men yearn for meaning, to understand what this is all about. Men want to be challenged and they also resist. What is said can be important but most of the meaning comes from experience, from ritual, from doing, from being. MKP has become too focused on words that will be quickly forgotten.

Boys were once initiated the world over-- it was not a time for feelings, for examining one's life, death, wounds or shadows. It was about a demonstration of grit and strength to prove to oneself and to the tribe that the boy who once needed help to survive would now help others do the same. It's an important moment to say to oneself, I am a MAN. The world has a lot of adult boys-- I have been one. Ritual and rites help provide the mental framework for our minds to move on from boyhood wounds and needs and wants to continue our journey. The work can and should follow-- the ideas I heard in the "innovative" weekends would work in an 8 week PIT cycle or even another weekend. But as men we need to know our Wild Man-- at least, say hello and explore that part of ourselves that modern culture wants us to deny and to forget.

I finish with a quote from Like Stories of Old where he laments the changes to consumer travel culture—“we are skipping the journey for the destination.”