Star Fall Update 3
I received all of the edits back for book2. Woohoo! I’m around 70% through—I have a call with the editor in a couple of weeks, and my goal is to finish before the call; so, I’m pushing hard!
I’ve been deepening my writing craft as I’ve worked through the editor’s comments. Writing a series is definitely a whole animal on its own and I’ve learned there's a fine balance between what to include and what NOT to include.
Where I’ve needed work is a pattern of writing where I’ve shortcut the scene by telling instead of showing and sometimes this is fine but other times the editor has judged that I’ve cheated the reader out of an immersive experience (essentially, forcing them to read from a distance) where it’s important. The plot and the mythology of the universe is complex and detailed, and I think at times I’ve been overwhelmed by the amount of available story to tell (I spent 20 years developing the universe and the characters).
I’ve sent numerous updates to the editor to make sure I’m addressing her concerns, and she’s been kind enough to respond. I’m happy to report it’s been one homerun after the other!
Aside from sometimes telling in places where I needed to show, I’ve had two major recurring issues.
1) I often teleport the characters where I advance them in the scene from one location to the another. In my mind, I think I wasn’t giving this part of the story much credit (not interesting). What I’ve found, is that including this “cartilage” has been amazing in unexpected ways. Foremost, I found that I had not fully realized the scene because of the missing transitions. As a result, the scene itself had hidden structural issues that I was not seeing because I had not immersed myself in a step-by-step what-is-happening mindset. But I also found that these “boring” parts were opportunities for world building and character development that were as interesting as any action scene. In many places, because of the scene immersion mindset required to include the transitions, I’ve added a page or even 2 pages, and that adds up to where significant length has been added to the page count.
2) I skimp on context cues. Some of this I think is that modern writing has changed. Some of this is reluctance to fully commit to a scene because doing so is emotionally challenging/difficult. For example, yesterday morning I was writing a scene where I had written the protagonist, Kor, in a way that came across as detached. Part of this came from a male perspective of being stoic in the face of hardship/loss but the deeper reason was that to write the emotional context was to enter into grief myself. Kor still had a typically “male” presentation consistent with his character but the presentation of stoic does not mean the absence of feeling—in the updated version, I allowed Kor to FEEL all of what was going on but he was unable to express it, which helps to deepen the reader’s connection to Kor but also builds weight to the ultimate betrayal. I was withholding, and so my character was doing the same, and that doesn’t work—doing so cheats the reader. Writing is often bloody, messy, heart-ringing work.
I have a certain fondness for stark, standalone dialogue. In my head, the dialogue should be “good enough” to carry the weight. However, as the editor pointed out, many books are read these days on Kindle, on phones, and a screen of dialogue without context clues can feel particularly flat. Beyond that, I think modern sensibilities have changed to a mindset of wanting more of “the feel”; it’s a feminine impulse but many men are looking for the same thing. After having inserted A LOT of context clues, my judgment is that the immersion is deepened. Gotta get the readers by the throat! I have wondered how often I did this in book1 as it wasn’t a thing the editor for that one pointed out.
The combination of filling in where I teleported and adding in context cues has added MANY pages. The length is getting Dune-esque (though it won’t get quite that long!).
I won’t have clarity until I am done with the edits, but it’s likely that I will cut one or more subplots. I’m leaning in favor of deleting scenes with a Men’op POV, an alien character from book1 whose story I find interesting. If that happens, I will likely post that as bonus material on the website. There’s another one with an antagonist POV (but not the primary villain) that I may drop as well for the sake of length. The subplots eventually fold into the main plot. The main reason for having them was to give a sense of the complex story being told, what is going on elsewhere in the galaxy that will eventually matter to the main characters, and to show how differing threads weave themselves together (absent these subplots, it may come across as convenient when they suddenly appear in the narrative). But length does matter, and I will have to make some difficult choices.
A minor issue that I need to watch for are placeholders in the initial writing and drafting process and then forgetting about them. Sure, I edit/reread but I know the story and it’s easy for me to gloss over them. A good example is Operation Rescue. A ho-hum name especially in science fiction. Rescue is flat, and I imagine I read it without it even registering. I thought about it for a while, the characters culture, what would make sense in that context, and I came up with something far more compelling to the editor. To make it hit, I needed to add a paragraph of set-up which enhanced the world building and added a bit of depth to the characters.
This part of the editing process is where a lot of the magic happens and I am most appreciative. My mind jumps and loops and sometimes goes in order, and there’s a lot going on, ALL THE TIME, and so it’s quite helpful to have a professional outside view. Like everyone, I have patterns, and so when I have a bad one in the context of writing style, well, there is likely to be some repeating that I do not notice as I exist inside the pattern where it’s hard to see. Once I do see, I’m a good enough writer that I’m able to make the narrative sing.
There was an unexpected turnaround issue with the edits (6 months late) but this has also been a gift. I began to work on book3. I had not looked at book2 in a long time which has helped me read it with a fresh perspective. Also, I can tell that I’ve changed. The way I write today and these past few months is not the same as what I submitted to the editor for book2. I’ve done significant personal work. I’m the same but I’m not and the writing is revelatory. The question has come up, Who Are You? Who am I?, as while I’ve been writing, I see in the words a mirror to my own reimagining.
