Some Sins are Forever
Some Sins are Forever… it’s a tag line on the cover on Star Horizons and it’s spoken (or close variants) a few times by different characters in the book. Writing a story is a time when the subconscious comes out to play, and I’ve been reflecting on that line the last few months. The words felt meaningful. Why had I used that phrase? Where did it come from? My mind churned (I’m an INFJ —introverted intuitive extroverted feeler/empathic, introverted thinker— and extroverted sensor) as it likes to do. I identity as Episcopalian, but I grew up Southern Baptist and biblical values were a part of growing up. Some Sins are Forever is a sentiment at adds with how I was raised. Both the Old and New Testaments feature the idea of forgiveness as a cornerstone of the believer’s faith without which it is challenged whether a person is truly a believer.
Below are a few examples:
Matthew 6:14—15 states, "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly. Father will also forgive you. But if you don't forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
Matthew 8:20-21 states, “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
Exodus 34:6-7 states, “The Lord then passed in front of him [Moses] and called out, 'I, the Lord, am a God who is full of compassion [mercy] and pity, who is not easily angered and who shows great love and faithfulness. I keep my promise for thousands of generations and forgive evil and sin.”
Forgiveness, that which comes from the heart and not merely the mouth, is presented as a kind of necessary spiritual exchange to be in integrity with God with whom we need forgiveness for our ultimate salvation. There is then a heavy impetus to forgive even if confronted with stout resistance. Though there are many who are not believers, even then, messaging extols the necessity of forgiveness to cleanse the negative energy from the emotional body. Holding on to a grievance is a pollution to the mind, body and spirit no matter your belief system.
But is that always true?
As I’ve mentioned in other blogs, I’m active in a Mankind Project (MKP) men’s circle that meets every week. At the last one, I was facilitated by someone I’d never met before. The process of being facilitated is where a man works on an issue and the facilitator(s) helps to guide that work. Typically, a facilitator remains stoic/detached, and if he’s triggered by the man working then he contains it to keep his attention on the participant. But in this case, the intense energy I carried around the wound was reflected by the facilitator. He was not a detached observer/guide—our pain comingled. We dove deep into each other’s psyche, and it felt like we had become tethered at the soul. As a result, I was able to connect to places in my interior landscape that I had been unwilling to do out of mind-blinding fear. From that experience, I have a judgement that though forgiveness is healthy, releasing difficult energy that can be harmful is a good thing, it should not always be the goal. Sometimes, I think, the biblical directives on forgiveness has created a fear living inside of us that if we don’t forgive then we will be rejected and ultimately be unloved (and perhaps go to hell). That’s a lot of gravity.
Do I need or should I forgive someone unwilling to ask for it? The answer may look different depending on the situation. I think the answer is “yes”, but I think in many instances the goal or the want should not be about forgiving. If someone is unwilling to ask for forgiveness, then that person is not being accountable. Can I, should I, still forgive? Yes, and, forgiving that person doesn’t need to be the priority.
An unexpected insight I gained from the work was that a lot of anger I had been holding on to didn’t belong to me. As an INFJ, I naturally soak up the emotional discharge of others. A few months ago, I began to connect to what felt like cataclysmic emotions that threatened to overwhelm me, and I many times described the energy as foreign. I thought it was because the energy was before conscious memory (which it partially is), but during the deep connection I had with the facilitator, I was able to experience it without the normal fear, and I realized that much of it was energy that I had absorbed. There was nothing to forgive, because it didn’t belong to me nor did I need to keep what wasn’t mine. I have felt that part of the held energy begin to drain away.
There is a wound, and it is a good thing for wounds to heal. Who wants to walk through life with open wounds? That part of me which is wounded, I have called back so that it might be healed (a kind of internal integration) which is in process. Until the work last week, I had been unable to see or connect to that part of me because there was so much foreign energy blocking the way. With healing, with internal integration, I judge it a natural byproduct to forgive those that caused the injury. That doesn’t mean acceptance, and it doesn’t mean that I have to let go of boundaries or other protective safeguards, but I can let compassion flow, see the other person(s) as the flawed human(s) they are and love them for it. I can allow them to be mirrors to my light and to my dark, so that I can see where I need or want to be forgiven.
Back to the tag line, Some Sins are Forever… In the exploration of that sentiment in the trilogy that I am writing, the answer that I am discovering is “no”, that it is a lie. But the path is often a difficult one full of loss, self-doubt, resistance, anger, fear and grief, and to places with such darkness that not even the shadows dare to visit.
