My Declaration

This will be a brief blog. I have a call with the editor tomorrow, and alas, I’m not done with the edits. She has been tough! But in a good way. I feel (and see) that I have matured as a writer. And I want to get as much done as possible today.

So I’ve been thinking about the shadow of honesty. It’s something I feel and encounter all the time— it’s the tension created by honesty, the discomfort it often causes, which results in a lot of avoidance and social masking. Therein the shadow is born and gathers strength. The behavior isn’t new to us humans, and it has intensified with the rise of cancel culture and performative social media. Real is out. Image is everything.

I tend to monitor this shadow when I’m around other people. How authentic can I be? How much of myself do I need to hide? What I show will be real, but how much do I show versus what I withhold? What is acceptable? What crosses dangerous lines?

Western culture for a long time has put a premium on appearance. In the 1950s for example, Americans, traumatized by the Great Depression and WW II, exerted a mandate for order and conformity in the external world. The external illusion of safety was needed because the chaos in their inner worlds was too much. So it’s not new, and what we have now feels far more toxic. Virtue signaling means you are a good person. Being authentic can you render you as the enemy for the smallest of transgressions (so often it goes straight to fascist— which, ironically, is often a projection of someone’s own “fascist” tendencies). We as a culture are making the choice over and over and over again— be acceptable (not authentic). In doing so, we live within the lie.

The moment someone, the culture or organization says, this is how you SHOULD be, shadow is created (MKP has moved in this direction with intention, including the use of acceptable language; moral idealism is one of many tactics used as a shield to cover the creation/feeding of shadow).

Using MKP as an example, the men of MKP have to adapt themselves to the expectations of the Board and the Leader Body—they must hide what is not acceptable. No amount of education “cures” a shadow—shadows do not care for explanations—shadows want to be recognized—shadows want to be seen (eg/not hidden).

Cancelling Bill, a founder, is a good example—The Board would rather that Bill have remained silent. They would have preferred that the parts of Bill that they did not find acceptable/convenient remain hidden. They did not want to see Bill’s authentic self—they wanted the version of Bill they deemed to be okay.

That is not to say every impulse of thought or to speak should be converted into action; there is always a balance. Work environments usually require certain kinds of personas for social interactions to remain healthy (and there are many such examples). But do we ever get to take off the mask?

I see many men in MKP making the bargain that Bill was no longer willing to make.

There is a lot of self-hating in the culture and the projection of it on to others. In a broader context, America has been a grand and meaningful civilization— much of that derived from darker impulses.

We are light and we are dark. The survivors of civilization did so by embracing both.

Every civilization worth its salt has a lot of dark deeds to its name.

I think it’s fine to acknowledge it if one is so inclined. The unwilling to see is also shadow. Dark human impulses have created tragedy, beauty, pain, and greatness.

The impulse to wallow in such acknowledgements is also shadow and so often attributes group responsibility to the games of kings and lords.

 My Declaration:

I’m not interested in being told how I should be. I had enough of that from parents and others.

 I’m not interested in being told how I should feel or what I should think. That’s my job.

 I’m not interested in carrying the pain of others. I have enough of my own.

 I’m not interested in carrying the shame of others. I have plenty of my own.

 I am interested in understanding who I am, recognizing my shadow, integrating it, community, grace to myself and to others while understanding that humans are both light and dark and to forget that is to risk one’s survival.