Mission Statement
As I have mentioned on other blogs, I’m active in men’s circles in the Mankind Project (MKP) I-group network; my primary group is mixed (straight and gay men) and my virtual group is GBTQ+. Everyone in MKP has a mission statement, and most men (or persons) have a shadow version. Mission statements provide a sense of direction. What are my values? What do I want to create in my life? These are basic questions to the human condition, but so often are never asked (of if asked, never given much thought). It’s easy to move through life confused. It’s easy to believe the illusion that I have control when the subconscious runs the show through the pressure of repressed & hidden messages and beliefs. Who am I? What do I want? Basic questions that are so difficult to answer without falling back on references of work, names, identities and other labels (Who am I) or the obvious choices of sex, money, power, health (What do I want). Creating a mission statement is an opportunity to pause and reflect on those questions, and to then use it as a light to guide the way— to be a kind of counter pressure, a boundary to the repressed and hidden parts of ourselves that have a contrary purpose.
In my circle this week, my stretch was to revisit my statement, reflect, and see if it still makes sense.
My current mission statement is as follows:
To co-create a world of love and adventure by modeling self-acceptance and confidence.
My shadow mission is as follows:
To create a small, joyless world by modeling fear and resistance.
(blank space for reflection)
New Mission:
To co-create a world of truth and meaning by modeling authenticity and self-acceptance.
The old statement resonated because I’m a deep feeler and a deep thinker with strong presentations in lover and magician energies backed up by warrior. The creation of “love” and “adventure” aligned with the expression of the 2 lead archetypes, and there’s nothing wrong with the statement, but it doesn’t go far enough. Though I want to be “confident”, the deeper want is to be authentic. Masking and self-editing have always been in my toolbox to survive the world. Having a level of self-confidence is important to have the courage to be less guarded, more open to uncertain outcomes, but it’s not the end goal. I am a person who looks for truth and meaning everywhere pretty much all the time. But to the extent I am doing so with fear and resistance, the truth and meaning I experience is cast in shadows, and it’s difficult if not impossible to share.
How can I co-create a world of truth and meaning when I’m too afraid of being dismissed, rejected or misunderstood to be real? There are also golden shadows at play— there is validation in being the “nice” one, the “kind” one, a “harmonizer”, the “listener.” These are also useful roles to play and are often needed to balance group dynamics or one-to-one relationships. But it became a preferred habit to rely upon these aspects of who I am even when the situation calls to me to confront, to challenge, to speak uncomfortable truths or insights. It’s not that the masks and self-editing are inherently fake (not when it’s about choosing what to show vs putting on a performative show), but they are used to hide much of what’s true out of fear, out of a desire to survive.
Modeling authenticity takes courage; self-acceptance requires grace and love to oneself.
Sometimes it is necessary to protect one’s deepest truths. My heart, my emotional energy, is not going to be available to everyone. It’s important to keep some people at a distance. Not everyone is going to have full access. I am aligned with that sentiment.
But it’s also important to take risks. It’s important to give trust a chance. It’s necessary to expose the heart to pain and hurt for the chance at connection and joy. Because living always behind the mask and layers of self-editing means living a life where I’m never really seen— where I am invisible even in a crowded room. And if done too often for too long, the mask and the self-editing blends with the underlying truth. I can lose touch with who I am. The mission statement is a reminder, a light in my mind, of what I want and who I am.
New Shadow Mission
(blank space for reflection)
To create a joyless world of the unseen by modeling fear and social masking.
I want to be seen, but often I’m too afraid even when among friends. But being unseen is a place of invisibility, of feeling unappreciated, rejected and dismissed or at best tolerated. How can I be truly accepted and connect with others if I am always hiding behind glass walls and mirrors? There is safety in being unseen— there is alas no joy. If I model personas and if I always show as up as the nice and the kind guy, however true that aspect might be, I’m living in fear that my authentic self cannot be loved, that I’m too much, too intense, too emotional, too serious, and I am giving those messages to myself (that I’m unlovable even to myself). It is a joyless place full of shadow.
The shadow mission reminds me of how I often live life despite the underlying truth of who I am. It allows me to see the shadow when it’s in play, and perhaps to choose a different way. There is at least integrity in choosing to be in shadow when done with awareness. I take accountability for my actions, which means that I get to sit and reflect on that and perhaps, just maybe, make a shift to change. When it comes to the sub-conscious, to the hidden and repressed parts of myself, ignorance is not bliss though the path to awareness is usually one of discomfort.
